Monday Fatday

I start off most of my weeks like this.  For whatever reason I am having such a hard time with my body image these days.  I was at a few events this weekend, running a 5K and 2 Zumba events, and can't even bare looking at the pictures.  I just want the rest of this weight off. 

Yes I just had a baby 6 months ago, yes, I am a breast feeding mom, yes, I work 40 hours a week and in addition I teach Zumba classes and run whenever I get the chance ( like my lunch break).  But alas, I am not seeing the results I want, or had hoped for. 

There are a few things that influence me feeling this way.  One probably being my years of competing in pageants where my body needed to look a certain way to be competitive.  No harm no foul, just the way it is in the pageant world.  The second thing that bothers me is that it took so long to shed the weight after having Brook that I fear it will take that long again.  The next thing to bother me is that I was so good to watch my weight gain and continued working out throughout my pregnancy that I am sad my body looks the way that it does. 

The last thing that bothers me is that as an instructor who is very much involved with my participants and encouraging them in their journey, I find that my body image and current weight to be missing the mark for what I consider to be a good example.  I am not much on the "do as I say not as I do" mentality, I want to be proof that what I encourage others to do actually works. * Disclaimer: No instructor has to look a certain way or be a certain weight, we are all here to have fun and offer a great class, I am just in my own head and expect to look a certain way, I in no way superimpose this on other instructors!

In my heart of hearts I know that my body has experienced a very traumatic occurrence by bringing Zumba baby into the world after delivering him because of my HELLP Syndrome, that being said, I just can't convince my mind to be nice to me on days like today.  Having him was my second c-section, emergency at that, which put stress on my liver and other parts of my body.  All my levels have been normal for months, but that doesn't mean my body is done healing either.  I must keep this in mind.

Am I going to give up?  Heck no.....is this a terrible mind game? YES! Will I win? I always do :D